%$#!!!! snowing again

You know, the good lord has a sick sense of humor. Just as it was starting to thaw out and I could look forward to the snow dissapearing from the ground I wake up to what... %$#* snow! I am getting so tired of this crap it isn't even funny.

Yesterdays sacrament meeting was funny

They had the organist and her husband as speakers at sacrament meeting in church yesterday. They had us sing four hymns and spoke about raising our voices in a joyfull noise to heaven. As usual I followed along and kept quiet. The organists husband made a comment about people not singing and how music was a gift to us from heaven. I found this funny as in truth NOT singing was my gift to the rest of the congregation. I sound like an out of tune bag pipe being stomped on by and angry hippo when I sing. About the only thing my singing has ever been proved useful for is to drive mice out of a building (people too!) Perhaps if the good lord wanted me to raise my voice in joyfull music he might have thought to give me a better singing voice.

A snowy lesson

An Interesting thing happened to me this morning that I will remember for a long time to come. It snowed again last night adding another three inches to our already frozen little town. To top that off, I wasn't sleeping to well this morning, mainly because my wife had pirated all of the blankets and had them neatly wrapped around her like a catipillar's cocoon. Having decided that any chances for a warm morning had pretty much went the way of the dodo, I crawled out of bed and went to shovel snow before the kids got up for school. As I was out there grumbling about the snow and cold, I was taught a lesson about why things happen for a reason in a most unexpected way. My neighbor from across the street, a fellow whom I had always thought disliked me for some reason, brought his snow plow over and helped me dig out my drive. As he drove back over to his house, I stood there in the frosty air of the morning with the realization that if it had never snowed this day, I would never have known what a nice guy my neighbor truely was. Humbled by the realization, I don't think I will be grumbling about the snow any more.

I have made it through another season

Well Christmas wasn't as bad as I thought it would be this year. The kids had a good time and my oldest boy was able to join us for the festivities. So here I sit pondering tomorrow and all it's implications. I turn 40 just after midnight tonight. It seems not so long ago when I was eager to turn 21 and now time has flown right past that. There were a lot of things that I wanted to do when I was younger that I never took the opportunity to do. Oh well I still have a few years to do them yet. Tomorrow I have to drive 53 miles, and bring my birth certificate, social security card, current utility bills, DNA test, Spy satellite footage showing me on my home toilet, and proof that I have sacrificed my first bourn to the drivers license division so I can get my drivers licence renewed. I swear that this country has gone a bit overboard on the anti terror precautions. Besides, who the hell would want to terrorize Utah? All that lives here is a few mormons, BLM agents and scattered lizzards. Everyone else has better sense than to live in this blasted hellhole.

I have decided most film critics are idiots.

Reading the reviews of movies in the newspaper is an exercise in self control for me. Over the years I have not only come to ignore film critics incipient ranting but have actively sought out movies that they all agree they hate. I cannot understand how so many people could be so blatantly moronic and amazingly they seemingly all have jobs doing the same thing. I can imagine the interviews for these jobs. "Do you have a banal sense of taste and absolutely no talent at spotting a good movie? Good. You have the job." I seriously think that they should hire someone that at least recognizes popular content when they see it. Some of the best movies in my collection are movies that the critics hated. Everyone is entitled to their opinion I suppose, and I am sure that about 80,000 film critics across the country would disagree with mine.

Winter is definately here

As I walked out of my door this morning to chisel the $%^&!!! ice off of my car windows so that I could take the kids to school I knew that it was just too darned cold to be outside. Last night there was a heavy fog in the air and it is a nice balmy 7 degrees outside creating a quite lovely layer of hoar frost all over everything. Well... it was quite lovely until I noticed that underneath was a solid layer of ice that thumbed it's nose at my feeble attempts to remove it. Now, as my wife has banned me from doing anything that involves my use of gasoline and styrofoam (the poor mans napalm) and a blow torch was pretty much out of the question at this point, it came down to me using plane old brute force to hack my way through it. After about 10 minutes I had managed to clear enough of a space that I could safely drive without having the locals questioning my sanity; well... question them further anyway. How anyone could let their kids walk to school in this is beyond me. I could never feel good about myself if mine had to trog to school in it. Walking stiff legged back inside the house to go shiver in front of the heater, it dawned on me about Santa's reindeer... they don't wear bells to make that jingling sound... their yarblies are just frozen.

Well the tree is up.

At my wife's urging (and threatened use of a cattle prod should I not comply with her wishes) I have dug the tree out of the storage shed and put up a few lights. (I'll be horsewhipped first before I will do anything as dumb as climb up on that ice covered deathtrap of a roof to put up any more.) The kids did a very good job of decorating the tree. Not even a hint of an argument between them as they did so gratifies me to no end. We even put together the gingerbread house that we bought. We have bought one every year for the past 11 years and this is the first time we actually put the darned thing together. Most of the time I will be going through the pantry in February and hold up the box to my wife saying, "I thought we put this thing together." Not this year. It has been put together, properly photographed for proof that we actually did it one year, demolished and devoured. As I look around, my home is feeling very nice at the moment. Now I just have to take all the d^%& boxes back out over the sheet of ice we call a driveway these days to the shed. This Christmas thing is going to kill me yet.