I am typing this when I am supposed to be sleeping. Sleep is something that is a little hard to do when you need to be close to a sick child. It must have been something she ate that has her stomache upset. Poor girl has had a rough go of it tonight. I have her on the couch right now as her bedding is now in the wash.
Although I will be exausted for work in the morning, it is a sacrifice I am more than willing to make for her. She just turned six this last April, and her eyes still have that beautiful gleam to them that proclaims she has not yet been touched by the troubles of the world. Her smile lights up my day and reminds me of why life is so precious.
We almost lost her when she was just three weeks old. She had a coarctation of the aorta (A narrowing of the major artery leading out of the heart) which nearly proved fatal. She was rushed by helicopter to St. Mary's hospital in Grand Junction Colorado, and then was flown to Primary Childrens Hospital in Salt Lake City Utah. I was never so scared of losing anything in my life. From the very minute she entered my life I have loved nothing more than her. I guess you can say that I am the very epitome of a proud father. She reminds me a lot of what it means to be innocent. That was something that was lost to me a very long time ago.
I look in the mirror these days and no longer see the little boy I used to be. I can remember having a boundless joy for life and the world around me. I guess that time stipped that from me little by little over the years. My eyes seem almost dead to me now, like their is a great emptiness behind them, a void that once contained all that I held special. I guess that happens to us all. As our knowlege of the world grows we loose a bit of that spark, that joy of living that we come into the world with. I see that spark in her eyes now. I see it, and I remember what it was like to be full of hope for tomorrow. I guess time slowly replaces our dreams of tomorrow with the memories of yesterday.
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I love that about children. They are so innocent and their love is pure. I can definately identify with what you said about losing that spark as you get older. The world seems to do that to us as we get older. We know what could happen to us, to our children. We know how people truly are. It steals the zest for life from us. I once used to feel like I was just exsiting in life. That was when my brother passes away and I was at my heaviest weight. I was really depressed back then and cried every day. I'm glad that I'm a much more positive person these days. Life goes by, and we are getting older and we can't stop that. But we can sure try to make the most out of life while we're here, and I love that's what I choose to do these days instead of just letting life pass me by.
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